Kree - ate

How to be a deer without genetic mutation

2005-09-23T18:26:00.000-07:00

This one is pretty easy, and is dedicated to those out there who have wanted to become a deer at some point in their life. This project contains no genetic mutation to preform, so it's safe. Watch out for hunters though.

First you need some antlers. You can hunt a deer down by youself to get his antlers, but since i'm low on cash i had to get mine at the second hand store. Also, I only had enough for one antler.

Then you want to attach the deer antler onto your head. If you don't have a surgeon's license, you can just bungee it on like i did. Then you want to wear some type of brown trenchcoat, or if you want to be a white deer then wear a white trenchcoat. Don't worry, after your finished with the transformation you'll look exactly like any other deer so they won't make fun of you. It should look something like this -

Next, you need a cup of deer blood. I'll let you figure out how to get your own, cause i don't want to get sued. If you absolutly cannot find deer blood, then any beverage will do. But deer blood is, and tastes, better.

Ok we are about all set. Go out into the woods with your cup of deer blood, and drink it down.

I know i said you just need a cup, but i was really thirsty. Plus i had a extra pitcher in my fridge that i didn't want to go bad.

2 hours later.

Ok, so after you finished your cup of deer blood, start thinking over and over in your head "i am a deer, i am a deer, i like to eat plants, i am a deer, etc"

After about 5 minutes, if you did everything right, then you should turn into a deer! For real!

Now you can go enjoy all the things that deer enjoy! Like drinking from a clear stream and running away from bears!

Now all I have to figure out is how to turn back into a human, cause its mad hard to type with hooves.

How to build a cat mind controll device! for real!

2005-09-10T19:31:00.000-07:00

Ok, this one is a bit more complicated then the last project, but trust me its worth it.

The C.M.C.D. consists of two peices, the conductor bracelet (which you wear), and the reciever device (which the cat wears).

I suggest you make them out of tinfoil, because it conducts mind waves the best. Though if you have alot of money, you can use pure gold mixed with mongoose tail feathers.

The wrist has been scientifically proven to be the best spot for mind waves to come out, so build the conductor bracelet to fit your wrist. The transponder box doesn't do anything, i just taped it on cause it looks cooler that way. -

Then you want to make the cat reciever device. The best way to make this, is like this -

And thats it! Whenever you need something, just think really hard, and imagine your mind waves emanating from your wrist conductor bracelet. Here is a example of the cat mind controll device in all its glory.

A poem for my first subscriber

2005-09-10T19:30:00.000-07:00

Yesterday i got my first reader. This poem is dedicated to him/her, you know who you are.

"Yesterday,
I got my first reader.

I was so happy,
I beat up a beaver."

How to make a manually propelled Soy Sauce Packet launcher

2005-09-09T17:08:00.000-07:00

This is a very highly technical project, so try and pay attention.

First, you need a small tube, hollow and at least a foot long. Then you stuff half the soy sauce packet into the top of the tube, like this -

Then you swing the tube in the direction you want the packet to go in. Its all very scientifical, but basically i'm told it's because of propolsuion. I don't believe that though, i think a better term is "magic."

If your aim is good, you can do lots of things, like pass the packet to your friend across the table. It's very impressive, trust me. Also you can knock stuff over, like birds on your car. Check out this crazy vodoo action.